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For non Chinese readers, the phrase above is roughly translated to asking the world what love is. This is a question that I have often asked myself. Like many girls, if someone were to ask me, I'd say it's all about chemistry, about a special feeling. But for many of us, we also have a wish list in our minds; funny how fate always causes us to fall in love with people that have the exact opposite charecteristics of those we always thought we would fall in love with.
Maybe we thought we'd end up with someone tanned - we end up with someone fair skinned.
Maybe we thought we'd end up with someone arty - we end up with a philistine.
Maybe we thought we'd marry someone like us - we end up with someone not at all.
I recently fell in love again, with someone I never thought I would. This time, maybe I should let my heart do the thinking. Love is not rational, and it is something I need to learn.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
We Mortals
Sorry for the long absence. I have been caught up with moving from Singapore to Hong Kong, where I now live. The charity I have been setting up has somehow ended up with Kong backers, and in order to be closer to them, it makes sense for me to move.
It has been a really busy time for me - packing, shipping my stuff over, moving into my new apartment, setting up the charity's new office - and I have been completely absorbed. Until yesterday, this has been my world, and these things have seemingly been the most important things in the world. Until yesterday, a bombshell dropped.
My ex classmate from Cheltenham called me from England and asked if I could come to England to see her. I knew something was not right, as she was not her chirpy self. I could never have been prepared for what she was about to tell me. Sara (not her real name) was a rather close friend back at school but we drifted apart after I went to Cambridge and she went off to the LSE. We have periodically kept in touch on email, and have seen her the last few times I went to London.
Sara told me she had been diagnosed with end-stage pancreatic cancer and had 6 months to live. As I type this out, I can hardly believe what I am typing. It is quite common to hear of grandparents dying, even parents, but when your ex classmate, who is the same age as you are, just turned 30, calls you up to tell you of her impending death, it hits you like a 3 tonne lorry.
I was speechless and at a loss for words. What do you say to a dying person? No words of comfort can be anything but empty. How can one sympathise? How can one empathise? I can empathise with someone grieving the loss of a grandparent as it has happened to me; one day I can emphathise with someone who is about to lose a parent. But how does one emphathise with a dying friend, when one has never been dying or died before? What does one say?
Sara is married with a 2 year old boy. That's the most heartbreaking. I can't help but think of the times when we were both 15, in class, giggling, studying, talking about boys. I can't help but become so much more acutely aware of my own mortality, when my peer, someone my own age, someone I grew up with, tells me she is dying. Have i done enough in my life? Could I go with no regrets if I were to be told I had 6 months to live? How would I cope?
I am now in the airport lounge in HK airport, waiting for my flight to London. She has asked to see me. I won't know what to say. I will probably cry as I have several times already. She wants to say goodbye. This time it will be final. Death comes to us all, but not so soon, not so soon....
It has been a really busy time for me - packing, shipping my stuff over, moving into my new apartment, setting up the charity's new office - and I have been completely absorbed. Until yesterday, this has been my world, and these things have seemingly been the most important things in the world. Until yesterday, a bombshell dropped.
My ex classmate from Cheltenham called me from England and asked if I could come to England to see her. I knew something was not right, as she was not her chirpy self. I could never have been prepared for what she was about to tell me. Sara (not her real name) was a rather close friend back at school but we drifted apart after I went to Cambridge and she went off to the LSE. We have periodically kept in touch on email, and have seen her the last few times I went to London.
Sara told me she had been diagnosed with end-stage pancreatic cancer and had 6 months to live. As I type this out, I can hardly believe what I am typing. It is quite common to hear of grandparents dying, even parents, but when your ex classmate, who is the same age as you are, just turned 30, calls you up to tell you of her impending death, it hits you like a 3 tonne lorry.
I was speechless and at a loss for words. What do you say to a dying person? No words of comfort can be anything but empty. How can one sympathise? How can one empathise? I can empathise with someone grieving the loss of a grandparent as it has happened to me; one day I can emphathise with someone who is about to lose a parent. But how does one emphathise with a dying friend, when one has never been dying or died before? What does one say?
Sara is married with a 2 year old boy. That's the most heartbreaking. I can't help but think of the times when we were both 15, in class, giggling, studying, talking about boys. I can't help but become so much more acutely aware of my own mortality, when my peer, someone my own age, someone I grew up with, tells me she is dying. Have i done enough in my life? Could I go with no regrets if I were to be told I had 6 months to live? How would I cope?
I am now in the airport lounge in HK airport, waiting for my flight to London. She has asked to see me. I won't know what to say. I will probably cry as I have several times already. She wants to say goodbye. This time it will be final. Death comes to us all, but not so soon, not so soon....
Saturday, May 9, 2009
A New Awareness
I have been wanting to blog on the AWARE issue for some time, but have been unable to as I have been away on holiday to get away from the horrendous heat. I have nevertheless been following the entire saga on the Internet.
As a Christian, I unambiguously believe that homosexuality is wrong and a sin. The Bible clearly states this. Personally, I think any Christian who tries to be politically correct, tolerant etc and says otherwise, is not a true Christian. The thing about religion is that you cannot pick and choose things that you like and believe in them, and discard things that you don't like or don't agree with. Expediency and religion don't go together. One thus can't be a Christian and say that it is ok to be homosexual, because our religion and our holy book clearly says that same-sex relations are sinful and are wrong.
What I believe in private however, has no place in the public sphere because Singapore is a secular society. I thus also believe that even though I truly and sincerely believe that homosexuality is a sin, this belief should not be legislated into law as I live in a secular country. I thus think homosexuals should not be treated as criminals, even if I think they are sinners. The difference is crucial.
Which brings me to the whole AWARE saga. The 'New' (now old) Exco are sisters-in-Christ with me, and I thus know where they come from. We have the same religious beliefs and values. What separates me from them is that I practise my religion privately and in Church, and would never deign to think I have the authority to try to impose my beliefs in public. I would also never think it is right to impose a religious value system on what was and is essentially a secular organisation.
The old (now new) Exco is not entirely blameless either. In my opinion, it is very difficult to try to talk about homosexuality in a value-neutral way. By saying that homosexuals don't have wives or husbands, and instead have partners, and by saying that “anal sex could be neutral or healthy as long as a condom is used“, a neutral viewpoint is not being pushed. On the contrary, this is liberalism disguised as neutrality. I think the right thing and the only value-neutral way of approaching this topic is to side-step it entirely. It is not AWARE's objective or raison d'etre to educate people about morality. In my opinion, a statement such as "IF anal sex were to be practised, condoms should always be used" would be value-neutral.
I think the entire episode, though messy and dramatic, was eventually useful as both sides got some sort of victory. AWARE would now be more careful about pushing a liberal moral agenda, and religious people would be more careful about pushing their personal beliefs into the public sphere.
Such a new awareness can only be healthy for Singapore and Singaporeans.
As a Christian, I unambiguously believe that homosexuality is wrong and a sin. The Bible clearly states this. Personally, I think any Christian who tries to be politically correct, tolerant etc and says otherwise, is not a true Christian. The thing about religion is that you cannot pick and choose things that you like and believe in them, and discard things that you don't like or don't agree with. Expediency and religion don't go together. One thus can't be a Christian and say that it is ok to be homosexual, because our religion and our holy book clearly says that same-sex relations are sinful and are wrong.
What I believe in private however, has no place in the public sphere because Singapore is a secular society. I thus also believe that even though I truly and sincerely believe that homosexuality is a sin, this belief should not be legislated into law as I live in a secular country. I thus think homosexuals should not be treated as criminals, even if I think they are sinners. The difference is crucial.
Which brings me to the whole AWARE saga. The 'New' (now old) Exco are sisters-in-Christ with me, and I thus know where they come from. We have the same religious beliefs and values. What separates me from them is that I practise my religion privately and in Church, and would never deign to think I have the authority to try to impose my beliefs in public. I would also never think it is right to impose a religious value system on what was and is essentially a secular organisation.
The old (now new) Exco is not entirely blameless either. In my opinion, it is very difficult to try to talk about homosexuality in a value-neutral way. By saying that homosexuals don't have wives or husbands, and instead have partners, and by saying that “anal sex could be neutral or healthy as long as a condom is used“, a neutral viewpoint is not being pushed. On the contrary, this is liberalism disguised as neutrality. I think the right thing and the only value-neutral way of approaching this topic is to side-step it entirely. It is not AWARE's objective or raison d'etre to educate people about morality. In my opinion, a statement such as "IF anal sex were to be practised, condoms should always be used" would be value-neutral.
I think the entire episode, though messy and dramatic, was eventually useful as both sides got some sort of victory. AWARE would now be more careful about pushing a liberal moral agenda, and religious people would be more careful about pushing their personal beliefs into the public sphere.
Such a new awareness can only be healthy for Singapore and Singaporeans.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
This Blog
It is time for my blog to move on. There are more issues to discuss in life than two bloggers.
From today, until it is deemed necessary again by me, I will no longer blog about Dawn Yang or Xiaxue. I am sick and tired of trolls who come visit my blog. I will not tolerate anymore comments pertaining to these two persons either.
Finally, I am also tired of defending my identity. I will also delete all comments that suggest I am not who I say I am, or drag real life people into the picture by saying they are me. Please bring your personal vendettas somewhere else.
From today, until it is deemed necessary again by me, I will no longer blog about Dawn Yang or Xiaxue. I am sick and tired of trolls who come visit my blog. I will not tolerate anymore comments pertaining to these two persons either.
Finally, I am also tired of defending my identity. I will also delete all comments that suggest I am not who I say I am, or drag real life people into the picture by saying they are me. Please bring your personal vendettas somewhere else.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Speaking a Mythical Language
Recently, I was told by a Peasant that as a Chinese Singaporean, I should speak Chinese, and should be ashamed that I don't. If not for my aristocratic upbringing, I would have slapped her. Instead, I asked her pointedly "What is Chinese?" to which she replied , "Chinese is Chinese lor...". Flabbergasted, I decided that there was nothing more to say to a chimpanzee.
I am not literate in any Chinese language due to the fact that I spent most of my childhood in Europe. Notice I said "ANY Chinese Language" as there is not ONE Chinese Language, a myth perpetuated by the Singaporean Government. The Chinese speak many languages, and even within the Han Chinese language GROUP, there are (generally acknowledged)seven languages (rather than dialects) - Mandarin, Wu, Yue, Min, Hakka, Gan and Xiang. Cantonese is a dialect of Yue, Hokkien a dialect of Min (it's actually called Southern Min), and Shanghainese a dialect of Wu. What separates dialects from languages is mutual intelligibility; whereas dialects are mutually intelligible to high degrees, languages have got much lower intelligibility. Linguists have contended that Min (Hokkien) and Yue (Cantonese) have lower mutual intelligibility than Spanish and Portuguese, and thus cannot possibly be dialects of the same language.
The language that the Singaporeans call Chinese - Mandarin - is thus only one language amongst several spoken even by Han Chinese in China. In China, it is called the National Language, or Common Language, but NEVER the Chinese language (since this would undoubtedly piss off many people). Since my ancestors were Hokkien, of which I can understand and speak but not write, there is no cultural imperative for me to be fluent in Mandarin, since it is based upon the Beijing, Northern language spoken by the inhabitants north of the Yangtze River. It is thus ridiculous to say that as a Chinese person, I SHOULD be able to speak the Chinese language given that a) There is no such thing b) Mandarin is a foreign language even to my ancestors.
There is however a unified WRITTEN Han Chinese script that Qin Shihuang introduced in order to unite China. And it is precisely because many of these languages were mutually unintelligible that a unified written script was needed to unify communication.
So Peasant Woman - go get yourself educated. I don't speak Mandarin and I am not ashamed of it. There is nothing culturally imperative for me to know it either. However, given that it is now the COMMON/NATIONAL language of China, and given the rise of China, there are pragmatic reasons to learn it. I have indeed hired a private tutor to teach me, and this is what I have been busy with recently.
Ni Hao everyone! :)
I am not literate in any Chinese language due to the fact that I spent most of my childhood in Europe. Notice I said "ANY Chinese Language" as there is not ONE Chinese Language, a myth perpetuated by the Singaporean Government. The Chinese speak many languages, and even within the Han Chinese language GROUP, there are (generally acknowledged)seven languages (rather than dialects) - Mandarin, Wu, Yue, Min, Hakka, Gan and Xiang. Cantonese is a dialect of Yue, Hokkien a dialect of Min (it's actually called Southern Min), and Shanghainese a dialect of Wu. What separates dialects from languages is mutual intelligibility; whereas dialects are mutually intelligible to high degrees, languages have got much lower intelligibility. Linguists have contended that Min (Hokkien) and Yue (Cantonese) have lower mutual intelligibility than Spanish and Portuguese, and thus cannot possibly be dialects of the same language.
The language that the Singaporeans call Chinese - Mandarin - is thus only one language amongst several spoken even by Han Chinese in China. In China, it is called the National Language, or Common Language, but NEVER the Chinese language (since this would undoubtedly piss off many people). Since my ancestors were Hokkien, of which I can understand and speak but not write, there is no cultural imperative for me to be fluent in Mandarin, since it is based upon the Beijing, Northern language spoken by the inhabitants north of the Yangtze River. It is thus ridiculous to say that as a Chinese person, I SHOULD be able to speak the Chinese language given that a) There is no such thing b) Mandarin is a foreign language even to my ancestors.
There is however a unified WRITTEN Han Chinese script that Qin Shihuang introduced in order to unite China. And it is precisely because many of these languages were mutually unintelligible that a unified written script was needed to unify communication.
So Peasant Woman - go get yourself educated. I don't speak Mandarin and I am not ashamed of it. There is nothing culturally imperative for me to know it either. However, given that it is now the COMMON/NATIONAL language of China, and given the rise of China, there are pragmatic reasons to learn it. I have indeed hired a private tutor to teach me, and this is what I have been busy with recently.
Ni Hao everyone! :)
Monday, March 23, 2009
A Paper Fit For Peasants
I have been busy and so distracted by my real life that I have not been able to come here to participate in inane conversations with morons. A very close friend of mine was a very close friend of Dr. Allan Ooi, the SAF scholar doctor who committed suicide, and comforting her day and night has left me emotionally drained as well.
Needless to say, readers of my blog must have seen his suicide note all over the internet. First of all, I must confirm that the SAF bond is, for all intents and purposes, is unbreakable. Do not ask me for details - if any of you have SAF scholar friends, you can ask them. That was also probably the main reason for Allan's suicide.
But that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is to express my utter disgust at the idiots who run especially The Straits Times, and all the SPH papers. A few days after the suicide, the Straits Times, OUR NATIONAL BROADSHEET, printed a full page article on PAGE THREE, speculating that Allan had committed suicide because he played too many computer games. Notwithstanding the fact that by then, a copy of the letter had already been emailed to them, that article was so utterly banal, puerile and noxiously unbelievable I doubt it would have even made it to The News of the World. Yet, it appeared on PAGE THREE of our NATIONAL BROADSHEET, who regularly awards prizes to itself for 'superb journalism'. Other papers like Sin Min, The New Paper etc also ran equally moronic articles, but at least they do not labour under the responsibility of being our nation's only broadsheet. As such, I do not hold them to equally high standards of journalistic ability, even if they do exhibit the same level of intellectual disability.
Every day, I am forced to read The Straits Time because it is my only source of local village news, except that sometimes, this local village news, which should really be buried somewhere in the Home section, somehow appears in Prime News. Like when Fandi Ahmad's wife fell down. Really now - prime news? In a national broadsheet? If David Beckham's wife Victoria fell down, even though they are true celebrities,it would hardly deserve a mention in The Guardian. But we do live in a village populated by peasants, and our national broadsheet surely is an authentic reflection of this.
Yet, many bright minds have gone overseas to the best global universities, and could have come back to join what is one of the most respected professions in the world, journalism. But that is precisely the problem. Journalists in Singapore, having for years having to bear the stigma of writing for a village witless newspaper, have become one of the most denigrated, laughed-at and even despised profession. As such, no self-respecting intellectual will ever aspire to join SPH. Thus, only third-rate minds join SPH, and continue to churn out third-rate dribble. Even SPH scholars are third-rate, often having been rejected by other scholarship boards, and the good ones break their (breakable) bonds way before they are up. And so, the vicious cycle continues.
The newspapers in Singapore are not worth the paper they are written on. Like any generalisation, it remains that. There are a few journalists I admire, like Janadas Devan (the son of our Singapore's third President Devan Nair), especially when he tore apart the parliamentary speech of that repulsive bigoted homophobe and religious fundamentalist, MP Thio Li-An.
By and large however, this incident has re-affirmed what I have known all along. The Straits Times is truly a paper fit for peasants.
Needless to say, readers of my blog must have seen his suicide note all over the internet. First of all, I must confirm that the SAF bond is, for all intents and purposes, is unbreakable. Do not ask me for details - if any of you have SAF scholar friends, you can ask them. That was also probably the main reason for Allan's suicide.
But that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is to express my utter disgust at the idiots who run especially The Straits Times, and all the SPH papers. A few days after the suicide, the Straits Times, OUR NATIONAL BROADSHEET, printed a full page article on PAGE THREE, speculating that Allan had committed suicide because he played too many computer games. Notwithstanding the fact that by then, a copy of the letter had already been emailed to them, that article was so utterly banal, puerile and noxiously unbelievable I doubt it would have even made it to The News of the World. Yet, it appeared on PAGE THREE of our NATIONAL BROADSHEET, who regularly awards prizes to itself for 'superb journalism'. Other papers like Sin Min, The New Paper etc also ran equally moronic articles, but at least they do not labour under the responsibility of being our nation's only broadsheet. As such, I do not hold them to equally high standards of journalistic ability, even if they do exhibit the same level of intellectual disability.
Every day, I am forced to read The Straits Time because it is my only source of local village news, except that sometimes, this local village news, which should really be buried somewhere in the Home section, somehow appears in Prime News. Like when Fandi Ahmad's wife fell down. Really now - prime news? In a national broadsheet? If David Beckham's wife Victoria fell down, even though they are true celebrities,it would hardly deserve a mention in The Guardian. But we do live in a village populated by peasants, and our national broadsheet surely is an authentic reflection of this.
Yet, many bright minds have gone overseas to the best global universities, and could have come back to join what is one of the most respected professions in the world, journalism. But that is precisely the problem. Journalists in Singapore, having for years having to bear the stigma of writing for a village witless newspaper, have become one of the most denigrated, laughed-at and even despised profession. As such, no self-respecting intellectual will ever aspire to join SPH. Thus, only third-rate minds join SPH, and continue to churn out third-rate dribble. Even SPH scholars are third-rate, often having been rejected by other scholarship boards, and the good ones break their (breakable) bonds way before they are up. And so, the vicious cycle continues.
The newspapers in Singapore are not worth the paper they are written on. Like any generalisation, it remains that. There are a few journalists I admire, like Janadas Devan (the son of our Singapore's third President Devan Nair), especially when he tore apart the parliamentary speech of that repulsive bigoted homophobe and religious fundamentalist, MP Thio Li-An.
By and large however, this incident has re-affirmed what I have known all along. The Straits Times is truly a paper fit for peasants.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Banker not so Wanker
Actually I do have something to blog about and it's about the bloody economic crisis.
People are crucifying bankers and blaming them for the shit that's happening. I think that's absurd. This bunch of dumbass Americans take out loans they cannot repay, to buy things they cannot afford, and when the banks finally start asking for some money to be returned, they default, walk away, and blame the banks who gave them these loans in the first place?
I blame the dumb stupid masses, the Peasants. What exactly have these Peasants lost that they didn't have in the first place? They got to stay in houses they never could have afforded normally, and defaulted without being made personally bankrupt. These damn Peasants should be the ones to blame.
The other ones who should have been blamed are the Ruling Elite of the US. They should never have allowed the Peasants to think for themselves, because frankly, they can't think. At least here in Singapore, the Ruling Elite have recognised this and nobody is allowed to borrow more than twice their monthly income, unlike in the US where some Peasants are 20 times leveraged.
It's the Peasants who have brought the world down. Round them up, sterilise them, control them. Stupid people shouldn't be allowed to do as they please.
People are crucifying bankers and blaming them for the shit that's happening. I think that's absurd. This bunch of dumbass Americans take out loans they cannot repay, to buy things they cannot afford, and when the banks finally start asking for some money to be returned, they default, walk away, and blame the banks who gave them these loans in the first place?
I blame the dumb stupid masses, the Peasants. What exactly have these Peasants lost that they didn't have in the first place? They got to stay in houses they never could have afforded normally, and defaulted without being made personally bankrupt. These damn Peasants should be the ones to blame.
The other ones who should have been blamed are the Ruling Elite of the US. They should never have allowed the Peasants to think for themselves, because frankly, they can't think. At least here in Singapore, the Ruling Elite have recognised this and nobody is allowed to borrow more than twice their monthly income, unlike in the US where some Peasants are 20 times leveraged.
It's the Peasants who have brought the world down. Round them up, sterilise them, control them. Stupid people shouldn't be allowed to do as they please.
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